Absolute Anime

<.< behbehs

Dreaming Awake wrote:<.< behbehs

are fail.

D: NUH UH

Dreaming Awake wrote:D: NUH UH

>:] YUH HUH!

it's a miracle i passed markating and i didn't do any thing for the last half of the year. all becuase i got a C on my final and i didn't even do the whole final

I'm not this, nor am I that. I can't do this right, and I don't stop that. I can't learn or think alone and am retarded on so many levels. I fail with a passion and have realized there is nothing I can do. I've tried before and have gotten nowhere. I can't change who I am, but I can try and stop what I do and do not. I'm not an overachiever, never have been and never will be. I am not great nor congratulated because I am a failure. I want to do more than I can, but I can't. I am lowly and never anything more.

I fail because I want to say what I cannot, I want to do what I am pushed away from and I act like I shouldn't. Being stuck in a place where one cannot think correctly nor do as he/she wants and has to be forcibly pushed away is a horrible feeling.

I don't normally listen to my parents nor my friends, family, and otherwise, But, Josh? I will obey him. I will go to the ends of the earth to make him happy, but right now I don't know how to respond. My only response is silence and ignorance. I don't know how to act and I show my feelings by pronouncing them on websites to the entire world. I cannot speak my feelings as I never have, I can't outright tell people, but typing is different.

I want to change so many things about myself and haven't the time or place to do them at. I look to my friends for help but i get nowhere, and even when it seems like I have nowhere left to go, I'd to Josh, but I can't because I'm too retarded to speak. I can only crack shitty jokes and that's it. Feelings are undeniably the stupidest thing in the world. Feelings are almost as meaningless as love and sorry. I'm forcibly trying to edge my way past the small details of those words and leave them behind me. Each and every time I've continuously wanted to say "I love you" I've stopped myself. I've tried so hard to almost completely forget the word, but I can't put anything in it's place because it sounds wrong. The feelings are definitely there, they're just covered up until further notice.

My parents have been telling me to grow up, my boyfriend's telling me to grow up....I don't know where to go or what to do because I don't know how to act. My parents haven't been there for me to teach me how to act, say, or do...so I'm on my own, but what news is that when I'm 18 now anyways? I'm supposed to act my age since my previous year is gone.

Now the question is, different, different, HOW IN THE [censored] DO I ACT DIFFERENT?

If I seem mute the next few days or kinda kept to myself it's because I'll be observing the world around me and I'll be thinking. I guess it's what I need, maybe, but I don't even know.

redo on post above comrade.

Don't change for people Nia. That's stupid. Always be yourself.You should never allow others to control who you are. If they don't like it, tough [censored] on their part. Trust me when I say you are best left to being you. Just like everyone else. I learned that over the years, Time in isolation, being an outcast...you are meant to be yourself and nothing more. So be that. If your parents or Josh don't like it...well, oh [censored] well. They'll get over it.

Nia wrote:redo on post above comrade.

I love you

Dreaming Awake wrote:Kage's Omnomnomnom

YOU ARE DEAD MEAT!

Nia's helping me get the hang of things here.

What's really nice is that I'm not longer in a coma. I'M FREE!

*cynical laughter*

Which reminds me, Ifrit, we need to go drinking again. Gah, I miss the good ol' days. Before I destroyed half a world. ^.^


oh hey, yeah, Nia posted me a name and appearance thing on that first post or whatever. So if anyone needs a referral of me there be it. At least that's how I'll look until I change it all. Being in a coma that long let's you know just how disgusting one can get.

I found out titles for everyone. I talk to Fate, but I don't wanna share. Unless Panda is told so.

what about titles?

Nisroc....

There's nothing about titles. Fate decided since you're all the Taruinian 12 or whatever that you deserve titles just as Rain does. Before you all left Rain was the only one who was "crowned" a title. She was Lady Rain. Aero, being a goddess, was Fair Lady Aero. We as gods and well, particularly anyone lower than them are supposed to call them Lady and Fair Lady, but we don't. Some still do as their contract says it so, but... in Fate's new contracts with the Gods, Higher Beings, Elven Masters, and so on, with everyone being on Hiatus this is one part of what's going into the new contract. I know as Geo mentioned to me, that my contract might furthermore be given to another by the Elven Lords, these contract results still have to go through Fate. She's like the "emperor" of Taru right now, even though that title has been removed by Chaos a while ago.
I'm stressed. Someone give me a list of people's contracts I have to renew. If you've already had a contract and you don't want one anymore. I'm sorry you have to keep it for now. I can't deal with more than I have to.

I'm pathetic. I can't do anything right. Ethryl pissed off Francis and now I feel like I [censored] everything up. I cut the connection with Ethryl until Friday just so he doesn't [censored] it up worse. I tried to say something, just to make it better and I think even that made it worse. I mean I'd like to be able to fix things but I can't. I just hope tomorrow is better, I just hope tomorrow he doesn't do this. I've been waiting for tomorrow since this weekend. I'VE BEEN [censored] WAITING! patiently at that. I will be SO annoyed if he's a pissed of puppy tomorrow.


I'm...........Sorry........


[censored] YOU! YOU [censored] EVERYTHING UP!!! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR MOTHER THIS AND THAT. I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU DESPISE MORTALS OR ELVES OR THIS FAGGOTY RACE OR THE NEXT!!!! KEEP THESE THINGS TO YOUR [censored] SELF! I'M SICK OF IT! I don't want to lose him or p*ss him off because of your bullshit. v.v I'm going to go die until tomorrow now. [censored] thanks.